When we think of marriage, we’re usually enthralled with the idea of that perfect wedding and we simply gloss over what the marriage will actually be like. Dismissing all the unhappy marriages we see around us, we naively and blindly enter our marriage with the notion that it’ll be different from everyone else’s.

More often than not, however, couples face the same problems. So if you want to be a better wife and learn how to deal with everything that comes your way, read on.

Listening Capabilities

When was the last time you really sat with him and listened to what he had to say? Do you allow him to tell you about his day at work, or do you simply plow on with everything that you have to say about your day?

A relationship is about both of you and if you insist on making it all about you all the time, he can grow tired of it all.

Understanding What he Says

A friend of mine was recently dumped by her longtime boyfriend and she hadn’t a clue what she’d done wrong. Yet, on more than one occasion, I’d seen her boyfriend try to talk to her about a number of her actions that displeased him.

She heard him alright, but did she understand what he was telling her? Judging by her responses that either justified her actions or negated his displeasure, she didn’t understand him one bit.

Take in what he says, chew on it a while and consider carefully all that it means before you so carelessly spit it out and call it unworthy. Being able to so cavalierly turn him away may make you feel good at the time, but in the long run you’re simply putting your marriage at risk.

A Relationship With Sex

Whereas men once married so that they could finally have sex with the woman they loved, today they’re getting plenty of action prior to the wedding. But once those vows have been spoken, the sex seems to dwindle down with every passing week.

Don’t diminish the importance of sex in any romantic relationship. Not only is it important to him as a man, but the intimacy of it all will keep the bond between the two of you strong.

Get off His Back

And finally, if you really want to be a better wife, get off his back and give him a little breathing space. Take a moment to listen to how you talk to him, how you treat him. Perhaps even record yourself throughout a typical day.

You may very well be appalled to hear just how demeaning your tone is, how disrespectful your attitude is and simply how nasty you can be when you want to get things done your way.

Being a better wife can really be as simple as that.

The main reason that separation can actually be good for a marriage is it gives you both a chance to truly understand what the other person means to you. When a couple is constantly embroiled in one argument after another, they lose a sense of what their spouse means to them. There are so many negative associations made and they can’t distance themselves from the emotional pain of the conflict. They start to resent one another more and more and eventually they may even reach a point where they just don’t talk. The challenges they face overshadow any adoration or affection that may still be there.

If you take time apart, those huge conflicts, won’t feel as large anymore. You’ll start to focus more on the positive traits that your spouse possesses and you will even start to miss them. You’ll wake up alone and go to bed alone each day. There will be a hole in your life that was once filled by their companionship and love for you.

Many couples who separate go on to have very long lasting, fulfilling relationships with one another. They take what they learn during their solitude and carry that with them towards reconciliation. It’s not uncommon for a couple to start acting like newlyweds again once they get back together after their separation. They key is to really focus on what you need to repair and then work on that together. You may just find that you’ll realize what a true treasure you have in your partner once they’re not there all the time anymore. Separation, although challenging emotionally at the time, can be the saving grace for your marriage.

Loving your spouse is a decision. This may sound pretty basic but deciding to love your partner is the best initial thing you can do to save a marriage on the rocks. Do you feel like you’ve fallen out of love? Do your marital arguments and conflicts made you love your partner less? It may be hard in the beginning but learn to love your partner anyway. Love is not just a strong feeling or emotion. Love is indeed a decision to make. This decision won’t trap you into the chains of a loveless relationship. On the bright side, it allows your marriage to stir up the feelings you have for each other.

Learn the ‘art of forgiving and forgetting’. Forgiving may be the hardest part in settling conflicts, but is also vital in saving troubled marital relationships. If you think that your partner has in a way neglected your feelings or hurt you, learn to forgive and let it pass. There may be incidences where forgiveness is not the solution such as serial adultery or abuse. For these drastic situations, it would be best to find help and get out of the marriage immediately. If there is no abuse going on, be considerate on the fact that both of you are only humans and fallible. Both parties eventually make mistakes and have hurt the other in a way. Decide and learn in your heart to truly forgive without pretentions.

Express love in an everyday basis. As soon as you have decided to love your partner, express that firm decision. Know your spouse’s love language and express your love through gifts, touch and etc. Give your spouse a ten second kiss, a five second compliment and a twenty second hug daily.

Learn to communicate in your partner’s terms. More often than not, individuals always communicate based on their own terms and expect others to adjust. This selfish perspective is damaging to any marital relationship.

Step one: Love notes
Send your husband love notes once in a while. Put them under the pillows, in his wallet, or inside his pockets. Once he finds one of them in his things, he will be pleasantly surprised.

Step two: Express love in pictures
Make a scrapbook that contains many of your pictures. Give it to him and browse through the pages together. Use this opportunity to let him know how he has become the husband you’ve always wanted, and that you can never imagine life without him.

Step three: Snuggle for a day
Stay in bed for an entire day. Kiss, cuddle, and have great sex. You can have things to eat available by the side of the bed so you wouldn’t have to get up to get them. You should also wear something comfortable.

Step four: Give him a day off
Give your husband a day off to go out with his friends. Sometimes, men want to spend time with their friends to catch up and just have a good time. If you tell him he can do so, he will appreciate the gesture, and in turn, help him appreciate you more, as well.

Step five: Wash his car
Your husband will truly be impressed if you have his car washed. He’d be surprised because women rarely show any interest on cars aside from the fact that they get them from one place to the other. It’ll be nice to know that he doesn’t have to take care of his vehicle, and he will truly enjoy going to work in a car that’s clean.

Step six: Give him shopping money
Spending someone else’s money feels better when compared to spending your own. On his birthday, give him money so that he can buy the things that he needs.

Step seven: Experience the great outdoors
You can either go biking, hiking, or just walk together. You can also talk while you are out to experience the great outdoors. Eating ice cream from a cone during your outdoor trip is a great idea. This is a good bonding moment you will enjoy with your husband.

With kids, careers and the stress and strain of everyday life its easy to get caught up in life. Often times your relationship with your spouse and even your kids becomes your outlet – often with devastating effects. Problems in a marriage are often self reinforcing and like a cancer it can grow and spread to all aspects of your life together.

So, can you save your marriage? Can you mend a relationship that seems totally broken? I think as long as there is still love then it can. If you’ve lost all your love for your spouse and you are only staying together for the sake of the kids then you are probably not doing anyone any favors – especially your kids. They will grow up and mimic your approach to love when they grow up.

So, if you are serious about fixing your relationship then there is one golden rule you need to abide by. Its simply, yet profound and it can be very hard at first. The rule is this: You go first. Wherever you want to happen in the relationship, you go first. This means you stop retaliating. You stop reacting. You stop blaming and you stop insisting that you are right – even if you are.

As long as you persist in your ingrained habitual arguments your relationship will never get better. Someone needs to break the pattern and it might as well be you. When you take responsibility you can affect the change. You will be amazed how quickly your spouse will respond.

1. Follow your gut instinct.

What’s amazing about women is their god given talent called the gut instinct. A woman can feel something’s not right. There’s this burning feeling to investigate and doubt the integrity of a husband. Women are wired to doubt and 80% of their gut feeling is true. Their suspicion of their man’s infidelity turns out right all along. You will notice that a certain scent lingers in his wardrobe, he takes longer hours in his work and he doesn’t take most of your calls. Start doubting because he may be cheating on you.

2. Confront him

To finally stop all the craziness and sleepless nights thinking about a suspicious affair, you can always ask him. Ask your husband straight up front. He may be full of so much guilt that he’s willing to confess. If he denies it yet your suspicions are strong, tell him that one way or another, the truth will still surface.

3. Ask your husband if he wants to stay in the relationship or not.

The reason why husbands cheat on their wives because they are either unhappy or their wives aren’t able to provide their need may it be sexually, emotionally and physically. Ask your husband if he still wants to make your marriage work out. This is going to be tough because you have to let him choose between you or his lover. Be ready to face the decision he has made.

4. Let him promise to break the ties with his lover.

If he agrees to get things fixed, you must tell him to break off with his lover. You must tell him that he mustn’t communicate with the girl in one way or another. There should be no more dinner dates, sex, quick coffee breaks and phone calls between the two. It has to stop. You have to tell him to stop.

5. Tell him you love him.

What matters most in your relationship with your man is that you love him. You have to tell him. You have to show him as well that you love him. It may difficult at these times. But you need to show that you love him. After all, you both decided to stay in this marriage.

6. Take time to heal, let go and trust.

Trusting some one who has cheated on you can be very hard. Let time heal your wounds. Learn to forgive him and slowly trust him. He may have changed. If he decided on staying, that means he loves you and is willing to make things better.

Fix your marriage by doing something fresh, new and completely different. It would be easy to get under the chains of work-home routine that only deals with office work, eating and then getting sleep. With this highly modernized and demanding economy, it is fairly easy to get caught up in this routine lifestyle. You need to put in some real effort for to get back a little dose of spontaneity in your married life. Have you been thinking of something fun to do lately? Whether it is that lovely Caribbean cruise getaway or simply a romantic dinner date that you have in mind, it is always important to do things beyond your daily routine. This will give you and your spouse that fresh perspective on things. Try fresh and exciting things together as a couple!

Surprise your spouse with a fun and exciting weekend getaway. Pack those travel bags and drag your spouse away for a weekend out of town or overseas. A new environment gives you a new and fresh perspective on your problems and other issues. This allows couples for more time together and offers the opportunity for them to rekindle their feelings for each other. This could very well be the remedy to all those marital issues.

Restore your failing marriage with a breakfast in bed service. Serving your spouse breakfast meals in bed makes him/her feel very loved and appreciated. It just shows that you are willing to work on and put effort into your relationship.

Bring out those compliments once in a while. Marriages often fail because one party doesn’t feel appreciated or maybe does not feel loved by the other. Make it a habit to compliment your spouse at least once daily. This is a pretty simple task that can eventually work big miracles especially when you try to fix a failing marriage. Appreciate your spouse’s efforts, love and everything else he or she brings to the table. Compliment your partner’s hair, smile, eyes and tell her/him the good things you love.

The other reason that marriages become sexless is because it’s very easy for married couples to fall into a comfortable but dull routine. Although feeling comfortable around your husband is obviously important for successfully living together, there is a difference between feeling comfortable and treating each other like roommates instead of husband and wife. Once you get to the point of treating each other like roommates, sex simply falls off the map of possibilities.

Sex and the intimacy that goes along with it are an incredible experience. It’s because of this incredible shared experience that sex is essential for a happy and healthy marriage. While your marriage can survive without sex, it’s not going to thrive without it. Although sex is just one factor that goes into making a happy and healthy marriage, it is a very important one that needs to be present. If sex is not currently present in your marriage, it’s time to bring it back.

In order to bring sex back into your marriage, you have to address both of the issues that lead to a sexless marriage. The first issue you have to address is you and your husband’s lack of time and energy. In order to have an enjoyable sex life, you have to make time for it. While there is no doubt that both of your lives are filled with a lot of stress and responsibility, the simple fact is that you can still find time to enjoy being intimate with each other. The key to doing this is to make your time together a priority. Instead of both lounging on the couch and watching TV for an hour at night, take half or all of that time and transfer it up to the bedroom together.

On the issue of energy, while engaging physically with each other can do wonders for your energy level, if you are both truly too tired at night to enjoy making love to each other, that’s still not an excuse for skipping sex. To solve this problem, start going to bed a half hour earlier each night. Then in the mornings, you will be able to get up thirty minutes earlier. This will give you and your husband time to start your day off with something that is much tastier than a bowl of Wheaties. And when you start your days off on such a high note, you may find that it makes the rest of both of your days much less stressful and overwhelming.

The other issue you need to address is going from “roommates” back to lovers. To do this, you need to spice things up so that both of you will be in the mood to tear each others clothes off. While there is a vast amount of tips and tricks for dialing up the heat in your bedroom, the most important fact to keep in mind is that all men are visual creatures. If you want to spice things up, you can start by giving your husband something to look at that he’s not going to be able to ignore!

1. Empathize

You have to be able to listen to your spouse even when you disagree. Now, this type of listening is not just listening so that you can form an effective rebuttal, but rather, listening with an attempt to understand. You need to understand that your partner is not necessarily attacking you, but rater, expressing their feelings and frustrations.

2. Recognize your personal needs.

It is advisable to determine the outcome which you would desire and make it clear to your partner, that this is what I would want. Too often we give ambiguous statements which can be misleading.

3. Be Approachable

We occasionally put up blockades and as a result persons do not readily approach us with issues, as our first reaction tends to be defensive. You need to overcome this, making your spouse feel comfortable in connecting with you is the first step toward healing.

4. Always be flexible

You should be capable of compromising – after all, all relationships demand some level of compromise if at all there is likely to be any possibility of resolving the matter. Pay attention to your partner and bear in mind that their needs are just as important as yours.

5. Wait.

Though you may get impatient and decide to just end the conversation, wait a bit. Don’t be hasty, allow for as much time as is needed for all involved to express their concerns and to arrive at a general consensus.

6. Arrive at a solution.

This solution should be beneficial for each party. Preferably a solution might entail both of you getting you both wanted, however, if this is not so then remember compromise is usually a given.

If you have an open heart and an open mind, you will inevitable find that marital conflict resolution is really not so difficult or even unattainable. If you need help in this direction, help is available right now.

For anybody going through a rough patch, their experience is always seen as the worst; you just can’t fathom anyone else having a worse situation to contend with. However, that thinking is actually a fallacy, no matter how bad things are, they can be fixed. All that is required is one person who is willing to and open-minded enough to learn just how best to communicate with their significant other.

The ability to master the art of effective communication is vital to the health and longevity of any relationship – marital or otherwise. Ever wonder why marital help therapies are so successful, because the simply foster an environment where the two individuals have to communicate. That is all that s really needed in solving marital issues – a willingness to open and share honestly, without reservation.

So, maybe you are not even aware of how to actually go about making this first step, maybe you have tried in the past only to have your efforts plummet in dismal failure. If this has been the case, do not despair, all that is needed is for you to be properly schooled in the art of communication and subsequently reconciliation.

Most persons erroneously believe that a marriage can be actually be brought to a point of no return, and that once the word divorce is uttered then all hope is lost. This concept is totally ridiculous; the only thing which will prevent a marriage from being rekindled is lack of communication. Always remember that the future of your marriage is actually within your hands. Maybe you are the only one who is willing to make another go for it; perhaps your spouse has long given up.

There is something which you can do. Never throw in the towel even when it seems so hopeless. A very wise man once said ‘Whatever the mind can conceive, the mind can achieve’. These are valuable words, if you can still imagine you and your spouse together just like old times, then it is still very possible.