Why Some People Are Over-Possessive

You have been through so many relationships and yet not one of them seem to last. It is always the same cycle. You have a wonderful relationship and you are both so in love. You are currently in a relationship and you are content and happy to be by his side. You know that you are the jealous type and you already told him about it.

But you are trying to control that emotion because you really do not want to lose him. Then one day, he tells you that this particular girl in the reception area always makes an effort to smile at him whenever he passes by. Alarm bells start ringing and you observe that girl and you did notice that she does make an effort to smile at him.

You tried to observe if she does it to other guys and found out she does not. You get suspicious and your jealousy is starting to wriggle free from its chains. You told him about your observation and he keeps telling you he loves you and does not care about that girl he only smiles back and is just being polite.

You believe him but at the back of your mind, there is a grain of doubt. Then it happens again. You start snooping into his Facebook account, check out all his lady “friends”, monitoring wherever he goes and getting mad if he fails to inform you where he is or what he is doing. You are having more fights than you want just because you want him to admit that he likes that girl to which he keeps on denying. Then you catch yourself and realize that it is happening all over again. But you do not want to lose this guy so you decided to check yourself and find out how you can stop this temporary insanity.

Sounds familiar? We are all guilty about this emotion and although the situations may vary, it is still very unhealthy for the relationship. So how can you stop being over-possessive?

Over-possessiveness and jealousy mostly stem from insecurity and lack of self-esteem. These people may actually look very confident but in reality, it is a cover to make them feel good about themselves. Other factors that can contribute to being over-protective are having experiences of infidelity and of being abandoned by parents one way or another and loneliness or fear of being left alone.

More often than not, these over-possessive people have a great fear of being left alone. They do not want to be left alone. They are too insecure that they become paranoid and push their partners to the limit which will eventually end up for their partners leaving them. They have this twisted thinking of self-preservation: if you are going to leave me anytime soon, I would rather leave you first than allow you to hurt me.

Remember, that the more you try to control someone else, the more that person will try to break free, therefore resulting to a more insecure you and the more you want to control him causing your relationship to end up in disaster.

Learn to keep your jealousy intact and talk about this with your partner. Tell him that you always need reassurance and needs his cooperation. A relationship is not a one-sided and both of you should find a way to solve this problem.